Have You Ever Actually Read A Warning Label?

We all the that the .... intellectually challenged..... are alive and living amongst up. How many times did you call someone an idiot just yesterday driving home? And they're not just on the roads , they're everywhere and they're out to get me.

So far this week they've:

1. Burned my mcmuffin 3 times

2. answered my call to tech support when my computer crashed and insisted the reason it wouldn't turn on was because I didn'thave it plugged in.

3. keep running in front of my car at night wearing all black

4. wait until i'm in a hurry at the store to argue with the clerk over 10 cents for a pair of clearance underwear

And they look at me like I'm nuts when I slap down a dime and tell them to get the hell out of my way. Don't judge me, you know you've wanted to do it before.

Wheww, sorry about the rant. It's been a rough week. Maybe it's karma, I started to write this when my friend showed me a warning label on her curling iron that cracked me up "Stick gets hot, do not poke in eye" I couldn't help picturing some idiot sticking a curling iron in their eye and suing because it was hot. Yea, it was all laughing and fun until the Week of the Morons commenst . Sometime I wish we could vote people out of the gene pool.

So here are some other warning labels I thought were great, but laugh at your own risk.

The statements below are based on actual warning labels that can be found on various consumer products. Hopfully they will help others avoid becoming a cautionary tail to amuse the masses.

You should never use a plunger near a power line ( I don't exactly know why you'd have a toilet near a power line but I guess someone did)

Despite the fact that the words power drill and dental drill are similar , that does not mean their uses are interchangeable, trust me.

Just because you favorite hair dye is called "chocolate brown" does not mean it will taste good as an ice cream topping.

Apparently welding a can of fix a flat to the rim of a car does not fix a flat tire, (I'll have to defer to more mechanically minded people for a smart ass comment for this one, i can't figure out how welding anything to a rim would fix a flat tire)

I know that your favorite blanket makes you feel safe and warm, but it will not protect you from a tornado.

Just because you cleaned the toilet doesn't mean your children should drink out of it.

Yes matches are flammable

Even though a dishwasher may clean your tv remote it won't improve its performance

When you put on a Halloween costume .. Its Still Just A Costume.. it does not magically transform you into that character, so you cannot disappear, leap tall buildings, or fly .

No matter how rushed you're feeling it's never a good idea to iron your clothes while you're still wearing them or while you're in the shower

Yes, the sunshade you put in your windshield is great for keeping your car cool, but you can't drive with it in place just because your air conditioner died.

Do you know the scariest part? All of these people have jobs. If you don't believe me just read some of these warnings/instructions that show up on everything from muffins to household cleaners.

• Korean knife - keep out of children <I guess it's okay for husbands >
• Liquid Soap - use like regular soap < after this ask yourself if you would actually trust someone to even know how to use soap >
• Rain Gauge- suitable for outdoor use < if you need this indoors your fist problem shouldn't be measurements >
• Frito's(and numerous others)- you could be a winner, no purchase necessary , see details inside  < somehow I doubt this could be used as a legal defense if you started ripping into chip bags in the middle of your local 7 11 >
• Fireplace lighter - do not use near fire,flame or sparks. < so close your eyes and wish really really hard >
• Hammer - do not use to strike solid surface - <I didn't know there was a big demand for hammering liquid objects >
• Bottom of Coke Bottle- do not open here < you'd think this would be would be on a beer bottle instread >
• Bathtub cleaner- for best results start with clean bathtub - < i must misunderstand the purpose of bathtub cleaner >
• Laser pointer= Do not look into light with remaining eye < what the hell did it do to my first eye? >
• Boeing 757 - fragile , do not drop < I think I'll take the next flight >
• Battery -Do not recharge, place backwards , or use <?>
• Insects spray that "kills all bugs" warnsw this is harmful to bees  < well i didn't want to hurt the poor things, i just want the fricking things dead. . >
• Dog pills - use cation when driving < I wanna see this guy's dog >
• Rolla hose - may cause cancer in California < Why only in California? >
• wheelbarrow - not for use in temps over 140 F < you're just gonna have to find another way to cart your stuff around in hell >
• Mineral Water- suitable for vegetarian - < I'm not a vegetarian , but now I'm wondering what's animal part is in my water >
• Champagne- remove label before microwaving < this may be my own ignorance but what celebration calls for microwaved champagne >
• Razor Scooter- products moves when used
• Bathroom heater - not to be used in bathroom
• Rubber band shooter - caution shoot rubber bands
• Vacuum - do not vacuum anything currently on fire

I'm hoping these were meant to be funny.

Otherwise our society is doomed.

• Soy Milk - shake well and buy often
• Parking sign for Church- Thou shalt not park
• Airline Peanuts - open back , eat nuts
• Heinz Ketchup - put on food
• 1000 peice puzzle - some assembly required
• Bread pudding - will be hot after heating
• Food proccessor - not to be used for other uses
• Insect spray - not tested on animals
• Helmet mounted mirror - caution objects in mirror are actually behind you.
• Fisherman's Friend loozenges: not substitution for actual friends
• Toilet cleaning brush- do not use orally -or- not for personal hygene
• Rock garden- eating rocks may break teeth
• Stroller - remove infant before folding
• Computer mouse - do not throw at co workers
• Muffin - unwrap plastic, put in mouth, eat

Appliances - the forgotten uses

Dishwasher- you cannot use the dishwasher to clean pets, clothes, or electronics.

Curling iron - For external use only (that's just dirty)

Can burn eyes, do not use int he Can burn the eyes ( you mean it's not an eyelash curler too?)

Hair Dryer- For external use only ( again ?!!!)

Do not use in shower

Do not use if sleeping or unconcious Do not insert tonge in fan when turned on.

Oven- Close oven door when in use

Do not use as a heat Keep children out of oven when in use (but it's okay any other time?)